white person here, whenever I make a ”fucking white people” joke, I love how it surprises everyone and everyone laughs like fucking crazy. it’s the best way to diffuse a fight or an argument or just brighten a shitty day.
it’s like, nobody expects me to drop a white joke. the element of surprise and the total accuracy of my statements = instant stand up comedy
once we had to read off our answers for some stupid fucking survey thing, and under ”worst fears” I put white people. I read it out totally serious, deadpan as fuck, totally for real.
when I read it out loud, like three people actually gasped, and then everyone lost their shit once they processed it.
because really, it wasn’t a lie. white people are like… ahhhhh man, I need to get a coffee before I talk about this LMAO
but yeah when it snowed last year I was like ”hey guys you gotta hold on to my arm while we’re walking, I won’t fall over, but I’m so fucking white I’ll be lost forever, you’ll never find me, spring will come around and I will literally melt with the snow. I am one with the white. You must save me from my own whiteness.”
someone overheard it and stopped dead in the street to ask me if i had a youtube channel and tell me I should make one immediately LMAO <3
I like making white people jokes. because it’s fucking funny, and when I drop a white people joke and some white person doesn’t laugh, I know immediately that that person is probably a motherfucker and I should proceed with caution when dealing with that one.
fun observation: the only white people not to laugh with me on white jokes have been mostly men, usually in a higher age group, and no white person over 40 has ever laughed at me, but they HAVE arrested me…
clearly they fear smart funny self-aware white people that aren’t afraid to equal the comedy playing field a little
in other news, I’m so white because I have a super rare genetic blood disorder that originated in Africa, and is almost never found outside of specific African populations, where it is still extremely rare. I love the irony of that, but I also wonder about how my little genetic blip came to be, seeing as my family is 100% white people. Or so I have been told…
I smell a white people conspiracy. ADD IT TO THE LIST